clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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