I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
