Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
