Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
