Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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