She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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