Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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