I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
