I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
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He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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