I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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not ubering you a puppy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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