Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
