why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
