Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
