Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
