nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
