and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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