Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Boobs are out for the taking
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
