The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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