i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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