In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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