I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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