i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
