i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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