I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
