Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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