I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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