remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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