I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
