She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
