Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
