so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
