420 ftw
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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