just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
