I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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