I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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