Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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