Are we in a gay sports bar?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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