I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have feelings that need drinking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
