Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
