Just fell off a train. Bad.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
