He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
