wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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