Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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