you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're too hungover to prance.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
