my mouth tastes like poor choices
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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