I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
