You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
