If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
