I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
