I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
