my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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