sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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