now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
