I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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