Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
