found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
