We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
