For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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