So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
honey bunches of taint.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
