she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im part way to drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
