I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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