no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
