This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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