if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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