I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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