I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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