i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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