we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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