How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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