I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
