But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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