im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
