Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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