I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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