Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
