i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
