The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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