I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
