i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
