Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
