9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
