that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize